Wendy Pins
I don’t remember exactly when I first met Gill. It must have been when she first moved to London after finishing her degree at Leeds University. She was part of a large crowd of friends who had met at Leeds, one of whom was Nikki Stolberg (now Woolf) who was flat-sharing with my brother-in-law Richard Pins. Ant and I quickly became friendly with the whole Leeds crowd, and co-incidentally it turned out that Andy was going to be Best Man for Ben Lewis who was marrying my sister Jo.
So, we spent time together before and after Gill and Andy were married. Through the friendship with Jo and Ben we spent a lot of time with Gill and Andy including one memorable New Year’s weekend in two tiny linked-terraced cottages in Dorset. We stayed in one cottage with Jo and Ben; and Gill and Andy stayed next door with their friends Tamara and Peter Donn. I remember Ben had just bought the first video game Nintendo 64 with Super Mario Cart on it. We stayed up with Gill and Andy till 3 each morning playing Super Mario. Consequently, got up late next morning, so that the walks that we had planned for the next day to end with a pub lunch, ended after the pubs had closed!
My friendship with Gill became closer after we became pregnant at the same time with Zak and Zoe. Gill and I spent lots of time together once we were on maternity leave. I had become friends with a lovely group of people through some very sociable ante-natal classes. Gill had signed up with a different teacher, but preferred the people in my group (including Louisa and Jonathan Clarke), so became part of this group - added to by Alexis (who missed out on her ante-natal by having Lauren six weeks early) and my sister-in-law Nikki. This group of friends became a huge support network for all of us going through the experience of coping with a first baby together. We met up every Thursday at each other’s houses for coffee, chats, bonding over sleepless nights and feeding/weaning conversations. Once the weather became warmer, we went together on trips to the local parks, garden centres etc. sitting on picnic rugs with six babies. At some point, all the babies started crawling, including Zak. My baby, Zoe, was too lazy to move, so I sat on the rug with Zoe, minding the belongings, whilst all the other ladies ran around in every direction after their toddlers.
When the babies were around 2-3 months old, we all wanted to start exercising again, but none of us had anyone to leave our children with. So, six of us would go to Copthall leisure centre. Three mums would go swimming whilst the other three looked after six babies on rugs in the cafe area, then 45 minutes later we swapped. Obviously after both sets of swims, we carried on chatting all together. This became a problem when too many of the babies started crawling!!! Even though we haven’t been swimming together for over 20 years, we still have a WhatsApp group called “Swimming Girls” and we meet up a few times a year. Going through those life experiences together of new babies and finding our way and supporting each other has forged an enormous bond between us.
A couple of years later, we all got pregnant again, the older children, Zak and Zoe, went to nursery, and our group carried on meeting up with the new babies including Mia and my twins, Sasha and Ellie. When members of the group went back to work (part time) we made sure that everyone was still free on Thursdays, so we carried on meeting on Thursdays every week until the younger children also went to school.
We also went on holiday together as a large group, staying in Center Parcs, before some more adventurous members of the group (without me and Ant) went camping together. On our first visit to Center Parcs all the adults hired bikes, with the children on seats attached to the back. Gill was rather nervous about hiring a bike, as she said that she was so uncoordinated and hadn’t ridden in years, until we found out that they hired adult 3-wheelers!! So, she managed to join us on our bike outings after all.
Then there was an overlap with our New Year’s Eve crowd. I can’t remember a New Year’s Eve that I didn’t spend with Gill. It may have started with that New Year’s weekend getaway to Dorset, but after the kids arrived a few of us started having dinner parties at each other’s houses. We would put the kids to bed in travel cots and eat supper and toast the New Year, taking the kids home after midnight. As the children got older, they would have their food in one room with a video on the TV whilst the adults had their supper next door. The core “NYE” group were Gill and Andy, me and Ant, Louise and David, Kathy and Andy. We rotated round each other’s houses, and whoever was hosting that year could invite extra friends. So, we often celebrated with Alexis and Simon and other mutual friends. This continued after Andy passed away, even in lockdown. I brought a pan of mulled wine to Gill’s house, and she divided it up into travel cups so we could drink it whilst on a socially distanced walk round Mill Hill with Louse and David.
Other regular events were birthdays. It was our custom to get together on the Friday closest to our birthdays for coffee with friends. Again, I don’t think I’ve missed a year seeing Gill on her birthday or on mine. During lockdown, when we couldn’t have big gatherings, I went on a birthday outing to Buckinghamshire for a walk and picnic with Gill and Sharon Deaner, as it was outdoors and we couldn’t meet inside.
It was a beautiful sunny August day. We went on a gorgeous circular walk along a river bank and through woodland. We’d each brought our own packed lunch (we’d learnt not to rely on rural pubs being open!). After eating, Gill reached into her rucksack and brought out a whole lemon cake with a candle! Even though there were only 3 of us! Gill’s cakes were delicious. She was a great baker!! We asked a passing walker to take a photo.
Gill and I both enjoyed walking - for pleasure and exercise. We often met for walks together, but this turned into a regular event once Andy was diagnosed with cancer. Gill and I met every Friday morning at 8am. We walked the same circuit that she had devised from Lawrence Gardens around Mill Hill. A one hour round trip with 2 big hills ending back at the car with Gill doing extra stretching and me just talking! Sometimes we talked about the big things in her life, but usually we just chatted about our week and our children. At this stage the kids were all grown up, and we didn’t see each other’s kids as much (although Sasha and Mia were still good friends and saw each other regularly throughout school and university), but we still felt very connected and involved in each other’s families and the highs and lows they were going through. This regular walk stopped once Gill went back to work full time, and moved to the architect’s practice.
We also enjoyed going on cultural outings. Sometimes Gill would call up and say she had tickets to an exhibition, and we’d go off together. One lovely outing was in the summer of 2019 to the Henry Moore sculpture garden in Much Hadden, Hertfordshire, with me and Alexis. Of course, we arrived, had a long lunch, then looked at the sculptures, and then stopped again for tea in the cafe before going home. More time spent talking and eating, than looking at the sculptures. Apparently when Mia saw the photos, she joked that some of the sculptures were so simplistic that she could have made them herself!
Gill was a really wonderful hostess. She was always making delicious dinner parties/lunches/teas for her variety of friends. She had great faith that if she liked someone, then her friends would like them too. So, you never knew who would be at one of Gill’s dinners. I met so many new people through Gill.
I also enjoy baking - I have so many memories of Gill eating tea and scones in my garden.
Recently, was looking for a recipe on my phone that Gill sent me (blueberry cake with cream cheese frosting- delicious). As I scrolled through the WhatsApp messages, the rambling conversations about suggestions for food, outings, holidays, books, tv shows, home improvements, so many other things, I realised that we communicated every week about everything and about nothing. She was a true friend; a wonderful person and I’ll miss her dreadfully.
